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4 February 2019

Struggles - Finding Motivation

Tags: rant


I don’t know about you but I have a lot of things I want to achieve in life, I have a lot of books to read, I have a lot of projects to work on, I have a lot of certifications to study for and I have a lot to learn! Yet one thing I’ve still not been able to sink any time into improving is my ability to find motivation & then keep that motivation.

Take this blog post for example; it is currently 1:39am on a Monday morning, I need to be up for work in just a few short hours and here I am ranting into the void about my ability to find motivation you might ask, well why don’t you just sleep?

Why Don’t You Just Sleep?

It’s a good question, I could be sleeping right now but my brain won’t let me. I need to be doing something thus I am writing this post and until around 3:00am my brain won’t let me sleep and this is my entire point, right now I could be doing something so productive, I could be studying for the CPSA that I committed myself to trying to pass end of this month, I could be doing boxes on HTB, I could be writing the 3rd entry in my crypto series, I could be doing the lectures for my crypto course but instead I am here… Ranting.

And I think it is a time like this which illustrates precisely my point. I’ve got so much I want to do! I’ve got so much I should be doing! But yet for some reason i just cannot find it within myself to sit at this computer and do anything productive and I don’t know why! Motivation is something I really struggle with and I think a lot of people I meet get the impression that I spend countless hours being productive but really I spend short bursts of time being productive and I waste the rest of the time on shit that I forget in two days.

Punishing Yourself for Your Lack of Productivity

If you’re anything like me you get mad at the fact you sit here spending countless hours on things that are just not important, fundamental or beneficial to you in any form at all. I know I do! I get so frustrated at myself and tomorrow I will wake up and probably think - “why the fuck did I write that blog post? What a waste of hours…” then I will be mad at myself the rest of the day because I wasted 20-30 minutes writing this post when I could be doing something more beneficial.

I’d like to say, don’t punish yourself but that would be ironic because I know that I punish myself for being unproductive a lot and it is something that takes a mental toll on my brain, I mean, it really weighs me down.

What is The Point?

I got no idea what the point of this post was, I just wanted to see if people relate to this struggle. I think the biggest way of keeping motivation is to make sure you’re happy, not just happy by the work you are doing but being in a happy environment and feeling happy within yourself. I think that when you don’t feel happy within yourself it becomes very hard to find motivation to do all the things you want to do.

It is now 1:46am, I started the post at 1:37am. If you’d like more posts like this, let me know, I guess. Hah. As I said, there is no point to this post, I just wanted to see if anyone agreed with me, I guess. 1:47am and finished.